Monthly Archives: February 2013

How I only find 32 out of 800 words tho!!?

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Mannnnnn FUCK RUZZLE!!….
(Wooooooosahhhh)
Ok…..I come to yall, a defeated man. Head hanging low, tail tucked between my legs, as I’ve come to the realization that im just not that fuckin good in this game. Theres only SO MANY TIMES i can feel like im rolling high, finding words, making duckets, only to find out when the round is over i got smashed by a 1000 points!!

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What……the….fuck!?

Now, I pride myself on my finding words capability. Riding off the high of smoking mufuckas in Words with Friends, I figured “Another word game on the Market? I shall too conquer this!”

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Yo…..WHY THE FUCK IS THIS GAME SO HARD!!!
WHERE THE FUCK ARE THESE 700 WORDS IM MISSING!!!!

AYE Ruzzle, You ole fuck nigga, im on yo BUMPER NIGGA! 
Playing me like some hoe, bet that be the last time I zig zag my cot dayum finger across your rigged board game again bitch. Making me look at myself like I aint shit,…questioning life like I just watched an Everest College commerical inbetween Maury.. that aint een neccessary bruh. 

Im tried to tell myself, fuck it..it’s just a game…it dont make me money (You know somebody beyond upset when they say that) but its not working.

I WANNNA BE GREAT AND RUZZLE ISNT ALLOWING FOR SUCH.

AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!

So………uninstall.

Lupe Dreads aint Loopy PT.2 (With special guest LL Cool J and Frank Ocean)

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Ok…whats really wrong with this guy?

So im home chillin enjoying my sunday night.

You know… coolin out, getting ready to watch my boy Nas catch another Grammys L this year on my 19 inch xenith flat screen. Checking who out on the red carpet doing their thug thizzle, shining and profiling word to Clyde Frazier.

Then….all..of..a..sudden

Mr.Anti-everything, Lupe “Cool Runnings” Fiasco decided to show his debbie downer ass up on the red carpet wearing some shit one of the 3 wise men wore to meet baby jesus.

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This nigga came thru looking like a Mortal Kombat character. This nigga walked from the Motel 6 (Cuz Lupe dont do 5 star establishments) straight to the Red Carpet but they didnt allow him inside due to a no bare foot policy. Lupes on drugs.
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LL Cool J agreed to host this years Grammy Awards under one condition. He was to be allowed stage time to perform some shitty music. Surprisingly, CBS obliged and gave him the last performance slot (note I didnt say Grand Closer). I say last performance slot because he didnt do ANYTHING that would constitue him getting any props, nor was this anything other than an open mic performance.

You ever see that one guy at the club just irking the shit out the DJ allll night to play his crappy soundcloud freestyle over an industry beat? Until finally the DJ agrees to play it…..while the club lights are on and Security is telling everybody the night is over and to please exit. You hear that faint scent of shitty music but your so preoccupied with finding that girl you danced with for 5 songs striaght that you give no fucks? Yeaaa well that was LL last night( hell, he had to introduce himself. How sad did that look?)

He was all happy bouncing around the stage with “New school will never care about you” Chuck D. CBS violated the performance so much they even played credits and advertisements during the set lol.
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SMH….
If this muthafucka dont retire that f-a-b-o-l-o-u-s throwback jersey era headband Smh. This nigga Frank Ocean looking like he got caught up playin ball at the YMCA and forgot he had a performance. Then got the nerve to make every straight dude feel mad uncomfortable, making a smooth ass track you can bump your head to, Then you realize JUS WHAT THE HELL HE WAS TALKIN BOUT!

I dont appreciate that fam.

So..You really bout to give me a couple pennies in a red envelope tho?

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First off let me say HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEARS TO ALL, Its the year of the Snake. Go out and support local Chinese Businesses, Go grab dem horse weaves, get some Chicken and Broccolli, buy some clothes that will disenegrate after its first wash. Embrace the culture! But can I reflect for a minute?

Well if your like me you grew up in a shitty public school system that passed you if you came to class 55% percent of the time resulting in a bunch of illiterate minorities who pronounce words such as  liked and looked, “like-ed” and ” Looked-ed”. To offset such carelessness for the english language our beloved educational system has us embrace different cultures holidays and celebrations. One that sticks out the most(Besides that crappy ass take your shoes off and leave em in the hallway day) is Chinese New Year and I just cant shake the feeling im being shafted.

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Naaaa son

Something aint right, I cant get jiggy with this shit. Allll the money I give yall and all I get in return is a pebble for my troubles? Ha ha…jokes on me…NOW WHERES THE REAL MONEY!?…word?

So while I would leave my school, which was located conveniently in Chinatown, walkin with the “I eat ass face” I’ve always wondered why all the Chinese Kids were sooo happy? Surely they got the same dirty pennies i got right?…
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WRONG!

Them muthafuckas rolling in dough, jackson Hewitt diddy boppin, getting like 100 envelopes, coppin cars and setting up unsafe bus companies with their bread! Wheres the equality bruh bruh? Atleast allow me to cop a hot dog bun.
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No..Everyday is NOT Upper Body Day

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Working out….Your doing it wrong doggy.

Cut it out… You look foolish, some wind blow on you its a wrap, Ole dreidel built muthafucka. You lookin like you been in a wheelchair all your life. Why every time you walk you look like you struggling through a mini earthquake? Nigga gon trip up and look at the ground like it popped up outta nowhere. Naaaa son, You just got legs of Polio patient.

Now im no personal trainer of any kind, Hell half the time im in the gym flexing by the mirror in my G-unit tank top, taking pictures for localhookupz. But im all for promoting healthy living, eating green leafy vegetables,taking vitamins and excessively shaking heads with the president.(What? Doesnt that burn like 100 calories?)
The fact that you work out, I applaud you. But as with your porn selection, there needs to be BALANCE!
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You got 7 damn days in a week and you mean to tell me ALL DEM MUTHAFUCKAS GOTTA BE DEDICATED TO UPPER BODY? You fragile leg sumamabitch, one scoop slam and your done. Than yall work around with the Mysonne synthex arms with a girl who is too afraid to joke on you due to the rollercoaster of emotions you go through in a day. Yall just not functioning right as a unit. Upper body on hulk with the legs of a gay Alvin Ailey dancer. How you gotta bisexual body!?

Than got the nerve to update your status talkin some, workout flow! Gettin this money!
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Neeegrooo please….you must be talkin Monopoly, Cuz you outchere frauding. Gon get a grown man workout in!

Ayo…Whose Mans is This?

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HEY INVENTERS!!
Dun…..

If this aint the whitest sounding black guy i have ever seen, then I dont go to 28th and broadway for my white ups and throwback jerseys while gettin harassed by the Africans selling bags of smoke, and last I checked my Mitchell and Ness jersey was actually a Michelle and Hess.(Years later when i realized this, I wondered just how many people knew all along!?..bastards, I knew 30 dollars was too good of a deal)

Son this guy right here?…..right here nigga!?….is Bryant Gumble
Approved.
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Now lets be real, growing up there were two life lessons you learned at a young age.

1. Thats her butt.
AND
2. Turn on your white voice when at a job interview.

When you get the job you ease back into your Pro-Black shit and let your ceaser haircut grow into a Matheson non-threatening afro. For Example:
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Just enough to let em know “Homie dont play that” but not enough for them to use your hair as an excuse to keep you in the mail room.
BUT THIS MUTHAFUCKA forgot to turn it off. He sound like he eat unseasoned food. He talk so white, WHITE PEOPLE LOOK AT HIM WITH DISGUST.

NOW

Im not saying he has to talk with slang or remind you of the ratchet shit you see on VH1 and BET, BUT COT DAYUM HOMIE, YOU DIDNT GROW UP LISTENING TO THE DELFONICS BRUH?
No Temptations? Chi-lites? Al Green? How you outchere lettin Rick Astley out black you?? You walking round in the corporate world sounding like a eunich thinking you dapper huh? Aye i bet his closet full of argayle sweaters and crocs. Smh.

P.S NIGGA

CUT THAT SHIT OFF THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD, THE HAIRLINE IS DONE SON. THE FISHBOWL HAIRLINE AINT WAS HAN’NA’NAN POTNA.

Take a look at this Commercial, tell me dude aint on one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BRKwB9CQzE&feature=youtube_gdata_player