Monthly Archives: November 2013

Hope this young mufucka dont knock me the fuck out

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Thank you White America….Thank you smh

Your recent relentless media obsession with videos of these young mufuckas striaght Ahmed Johnson knocking the nas kufi off unsuspecting victims got me side-eyeing the fuck outta any nigga in skinny jeans.

Naow i ain a self hating Coon like that Orville nigga but real is real, these niggas outchere catchin niggas wit the nyquil (dat sleep sleep).

Bruh, since AJ n free left 106th and park ive be living with the objective of laying low and stayin the fuck off worldstar and i aint trying to get caught up in this latest craze. My girl aint gon stay wit me once i get slumped (she black, yes stereotype)

So fuck it, im paranoid…i be dat ..real niggas aint the one catching vics…its yall lil wayne, overly emotional drake listening mufuckas that cant filter out the excessive estrogen being pumped thru ya stereo system. Add that with no pussy on retainer and yall choosing to let that aggression go in the form of a punch.

Fuck dahaat! k dot voice..
Guards all the way up.
Dont come up on me asking shit! I dont care if you need directions, car trouble, need me to claim a kid on taxes (shiiet, women knockin niggas out too!)

I…refuse to get trended topic outchere
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Shiiiet think im playin? Its starting to ruin my life.

Just the other day a nigga step into the mall, u know..looking for the nearest citi trends cuz ive been meaning to step my egyptian garbs up and i find myself at the food court cuz a brother was on lunch nigga time at this point but couldnt decide wat to eat (well take as a free sample, dont judge) .

So i sit and ponder at the delicious delicacies that were on display (strategizing this meal cuz thats how u catch the mudd butt if u just grab any and everything. Again dont judge) and Immediately some ole Don Cheadle, child rebel lookin, African mufucka approach me!
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Now..
first instinct: NA NIGGA I DONT WANT NO OILS AND INCENSE BRUH!

Second instinct: Ahh shit this nigga finna knock my ass out! (faint sound of woooorldstar! In the back of my mind) plus im dolo and security aint finna help me out either cuz these fuck niggas having the time of they life, gleefully riding on dem hovercraft joints smh.

My reaction: Bruh! Back up

Him: brudda, may i intrest you in a Haircut, i work out the barbershop across the mall, 15 dollars..blah blah fuckin blah

(First off, how did Africans find there way into the mall? I thought they all resided in canal st?anyway..)

Now i start to zone off cuz for one, OK..im still standing on my two feet, equilibrium is still on deck…but wait a minute?
Did this fuck nigga really jus ask if i want a haircut? Bruh he trying to say my shit is cooked? Woord? Nan African nigga gotta better hairline than the gawd. Sure, i can use a cut but it def aint gon be by micheal blackson junior doe!

Im i gotta molotov cocktail of destructive thoughts and i start gettin defensive.

Na BROTHER MAN! Im iigh on that na mean.

Him: Ok,Cool..who does ya cuts?
Me: I do
Him: oh i see, thats why ya sideburns is leanin back. Come to my shop and let me fix that right quick.
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Well… aint.. this..a bitch?
This nigga jus passive agressed me!
This nigga dissed me without dissing me?
This nigga made an unfavorable observation that perturbed me for the rest of the day.

Now im walkin around wit the I eat ass face cuz not only am i surprised i didnt get knocked out but now im wondering if my sideburns is really fat joe-in.

Why!?how!?
Wait..maybe i am really crosseyed?
Momma said i grew outta it when i turned 12!
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Nigga need answers B!
AND the French Montana apparel was too expensive dun.

Nigga scressed bruh.

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10 things I rather do than play NBA Live 14

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The Interwebz went cray (is that still cool to say?) wit the release of a youtube video featuring a full quarter of EA Sports “had a spark when you started but now just garbage” NBA Live 2014 for the next gen consoles after a couple years hiatus and failed rebranding efforts. EA’s last attempt at a bball game had Andrew Bynum aka Bynum shuttlesworth aka black jesus aka thou shall halt thy pose, of the then Los Angelous lakers seemingly stuck in a crucifixion-esque glitch the internets had a field day with which eventually shut down production of the game and series for the foreseable future and 2k sports being the official champ of basketball sim.
Until this sad 2014 attempt…

Aint shit changed,its like that jilted ex-lover that jus doesnt understand you moved on to better and that they need to accept that.
Instead EA just stands outside ya window playin Drake music waiting to be loved again.
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Hopefully this list of shit I rather do,helps em finally get it!

1. Attend the midnight release of The Hunger Games with my girl.
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Theres not much I hate more than having to watch a crap choice of a movie my girl picks out for a “fun date night” but if im faced with playin NBA live, im out the door and on that line!

2. Sign up for community college.
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Bruh I rather risk student loan debt and mediocre learning from a unrecognized school than to grab the controller and press play.

3. Debate wit an hebrew Israelite on 34th st and Discuss todays mathematics with a 5percenter
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4. Apply for Obama-care
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I will navigate my way through this gawd awful website and risk crashes midway with no fucks given.

5. Listen to a 24hr loop of The south gon hold it down!

6. Rock a Tracy Mcgrady choppa suit to a close friends funeral.
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7. Go to a bar with a shitty wingman
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Straight fuckin up the cutty

8.Drink a bottle of Takka Vodka

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A 750ml for like $5 pretty much guarantees u will be found slumped in an alley with ya pockets inside out. Same shit homie drank before he spent 12 years being a slave.

9. Get Rock bottomed out a burning building

After a couple hospital visits ill be iight.

10.Date a single mother
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Ill be down for that ready-made fam action if need be.

SO NBA LIVE DO YOU GET IT NOW!!? GET THE FUCK ON WIT CHO GAME AND LEEMEEALONE!!?

U MAD?
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Yeaa.. U MAD!

Simon says, you’re doing it wrong!

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Hey kids!
Dont you love the exciting interactive game of Simon Says that test your ability to listen and quickly respond according to what an underpaid teacher who really rather not be in this hood ass school decides to pull out of her sherm induced thoughts?

PAY ATTENTION BECAUSE IF SIMON DIDNT SAY IT!!
DONT DO IT OR YA OUT!!!
Isnt this SOME MUCH FUN???

The laughter, theres sooo much laughter!!!!!
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…Well We’ve decided to completely ruin that experience and HAVE YOU PLAY IT IN SPANISH CLASS!!!!
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BRUH….
How in THE FUCK you think me, a nigga that JUST learned what “mi llamo es” means, is gon survive in a room full of vultures?

Talkin bout some Simone Dicé, da fug?

Lucy been winning this damn game since birth and you want me to compete against that dun?

Son…im so furious niggas thought this was gon help us learn, like a nigga aint been thru ten years of the D.A.R.E program and wasnt high for 9 of em!

Im over here side-eyeing the fuck outta niggas, tryna creep up on the come up of wins but it aint working.
But these fuck niggas caught on and starting throwing up different shit so my fool ass get hit wit the bait and switch and get eliminated.

Yea go on and laugh at the lil black nigga that dont know what an elbow is in spanish, its cool. Bet money u cant do no real nigga shit like dunk a basketball!

Meet me at the Gawd Hour so i can black ya eye before sunset.

Nigga cant get out the first round of this game on some Tracy Mcgrady shit but im spose to be learning?

Mannnnn…Simone Dicé these nuts b!