It’s gone be a long 2014 bruh..

Smh I know it has been a while since ya boy Trapavelli P. Dowski has blessed ya with his presence on SHAQFACE with nothing but the holy scripture, words of wisdom to help ya get ya thru ya tarnished lives.

I know the viral streets need some uplifting shit they can relate to. To start off the new year, I am here to bless ya with such a prolific read. Although 2014 has jus started I can already tell its gone be one of them years ya boy will not have a splendid time in smh

Well look here, ya boy decided to get his iTunes up to par. Thought i’d download & reshape my whole discography of tunes. No lie, i spent about 3 hours on my leather couch with a tray of Tostino pizza rolls tryna figure out oldies and new records to bless this laptop. You kno it was a must to get them 2 new Drizzy Graham records on the pc.I Had to redownload them Ron Isley x Kells feud records (ya boy Ron never learned his lesson) & more other baby makin music cause my “for the bitches” playlist was lackin something serious.

Who ever wifi i stole was logged on to must’ve been having a field day. She must’ve had every device logged on that bitch the way my shit was moving.

Well the deed was done, I felt like i accomplished a significant goal. Felt like i was gone start off the new year very well. Nobody could tell me shit, i was untouchable.I had the tunes, multiple themed songs were downloaded to describe every aspect of my life. At this point i was relieved, tired, worn & what better way to get me back in the mood than listening to music?

…..So i’m here enjoyin the juices of my labor. 1st song to play was Avant’s record “Separated“, havent heard this in a minute, plus the situation i was in with my ex, it was so called for.

Boy, when that music proceeded to play, the soothing feelin to my ears had my limbs so relaxed i jus sat back , tray of 2 and half tostino pizza rolls fell on the floor, I ain’t even care.

… Until something real funny happen with the music & boy i tell you this was probably the foulest thing that can happen to a man who spent 3 hrs downloading music. I couldn’t understand why was this happening to me, i aint deserve this shit. I couldn’t believe this, i proceeded to play the next 3 songs and they all had the same thing in common. all these records were CLEAN VERSIONS fam!!

All ya boy heard was mad blank space and replaced words doggy. Shit like “i cant believe i stayed around that DANG long” dang ? really.. dang? foreal fam? the word “damn” was such a bad word we need to re-sculpture the whole record fam? sheeeit.

when i tell you i was highly upset bro… i was HIGHLY UPSET.  Why was there even a clean version to Avant “Separated”? why are there even clean versions in existence? This world is sick for even letting such things happen.

Shit you would’ve thought i downloaded music on HOT97s official website dawg. The engineers who actually take the time to edit good quality music should deserve to feel the wrath of 63 gils fam, don’t nobody wanna pump no clean Ying Yang Twins record in the club fam, We can’t get jiggy to that, thats not the wave at all.  God bless the souls of the DJs who wanna fuck around & play edited records in the club, Got me feelin like im at a middle school prom and shit. there’s def a special place in hell for stunts like that.

“My hitta my hitta, my muh—— hitta”

No nigga.. You gotta be some new nigga to enjoy that tom foolery

If this is the sign of the times, then Its gone be a long 2014..


5 Things I Hate About Your Local Pot Head

Ok Ok Ok ja boy Trapavelli is back once again & about to drop the puriest of all knowledge  list about 10 things i can’t stand about ya tree blowers, weed tokers, ganja smokin imbeciles smh.

1. Non-functional Pot Heads: The pot heads who can not make no types of moves with out smoking every 15 minutes. I really don’t get it, i swear they could have pussy, money & for the sake of argument MORE PUSSY lined up for them probably like 3 blocks away with the promise of more weed the next day, but nooo you sleeze balls gotta blow it down right at that moment. ya truly are some new type of niggas.

2. Pride In Smoking Weed Pot Heads: You ever heard someone say “Now everybody smoke!” or call someone a poser for smoking? Yo ya scumbags really take pride in smokin weed. I truly don’t understand it, I truly don’t. These the type of people who’ll wanna see their own mans in the hands cause he for whatever reason feels his mans lying about smoking some exotic strain that he “Could have only smoked” cause he so true  bout this pot smoking life.

3. New Pot Heads: Ok now before ya think i’ contradicting myself with number 2, no i’m not. i really don’t care if you just started smoking 3 seconds ago, hey you smoke you smoke more praise to you, but don’t jump on any social networks  loose ya ga damn mind with like 26 uploads of you smokin  blowing smoking, like ok i get you smoke, you geeked up, you geesed, you are very excited about your life at this point you finally got acquainted with Mary Jane & you think you love that hoe. these are usualy teenage females who are usually tryna impress a nigga or a 30+ year old nigga going through a midlife crisis.

4. Leeching Broads: This is so self explanatory. you probably could catch yourself & friends lightening up a doobie, minding ya own business, doin ya own things at a party. Then all of a sudden a lil tenderonie comes by  makes up what is the most made up convo hopin it leads to the spliff just to get a hit.

5. Corny Pot Heads: This is about 94% of ya. 94% of ya with ya ridiculous antics son, especially when ya turn into conspiracy theorist, actin like ya found the answer to life’s most valuable questions. Frolicking home knowin damn well you aint got no ends for any munchies. Gettin tossed out ya mans spot cause you only had 3 to put in, hopin ya moms aint eat the last pack of shrimp oodles of noodles.
No nigga! I dont wanna watch the latest Battle rap.
Naw im not bout to participate in a Vine Video.
And No I dont have lives to spare in Candy Crush!

Welp thats all folks I hope ya read these things & come to ya senses and see all the wrong in ya ways & get ya life in order. Til next time world you heard it rom yours truly Trapavelli aka MJ of the Trap aka Trapezoid .

Queens, NY… Home Of The Fine Dime Breezies

Ok ok ok ok alright,

so I came to the conclusion Queens, home of the New York Mets, Jerry Seinfeld, Spiderman, JFK Airport & now after my 5 years of analyzing & test research is now home of The finest woman to ever grace the grounds & waters of New York City smh

If My calculations are correct, yes Queens is where all the fine bitches rest their heads

I’m honestly starting to think it wasn’t a coincidence Queens was named Queens, All them damn fine ass tendories are probably being manufactured in a factory somewhere in Astoria on some Lil Kim “How Many Licks’ Video.

shit, I even remember from the myspace days search Queens NY for some shorties to add & when i tell you They Had The Biddies, THEY HAD THE BIDDIES. Each shorty had a glow to em, a aura oozed out of them. I mean if you was ever in Queens & saw some iight or wack joint she must’ve crawl out the sewer illegally migrated her self from Brooklyn or something.

Queens here I come

Joints lookin like they were hand crafted by the finest of fine Godiva Chocolates, all shades all flavors (skin probably taste like the shit as well).

all them bitches out there lookin all beautiful and shit. I remember my 1st trip in the land of tendronies smh, I went to my homegirls crib agettin ready to go take some test at LaGuardia (mind you she some lil fine mixed mexican girl, did i mention Queens behave the flavors out there?). We walked out to jump on the train I swear there was not one male soul, no fathers no brothers no grandpas, no perverted old men, NOT ONE Y chromosome. I felt like i have enter a secret colonist of woman.

so i want ya to really think about it. All the fine bitches in NYC are from where??

B*tch you ain’t ehem tryna let a nigga kno???


OK, ok let me lay down sumn ri quick smh

you ever be chillen in ya crib doin ya own thing, minding yo own business, maccin on these world known social networks like Tagged, Local Hook Upz, Friendster & even the AOL chat rooms. On ya NETZERO dial up swag, havin more than one window open with like 22 tabs 65% is of pages of different freak joints you plottin on?

Shit, let me put ya own to one of my ongoing personally experience that never fails to come up son!
So im maccin in my crib, loggin onto my accounts seeing what’s really goody with some of this cyber love I’m in need of at the moment (mind you it’s like 2:54 am cause mom dukes asleep & aint ehem gone be on the phone). Anyway so i peep, i get this friend request from some bad joint & i mean BAD, bitch was probably mixed wit Black, Japanese, Hispanic + had the skin complexion of an eskimo. Word too, i would have literally eatin this girl out smh.

Ofcourse i accepted her with the quickness, “liked” like 4 of her pics, you kno the ones with the few likes on em & was less thirst trappish. You know i wanted to let her kno “I’m her for you & not the booty”. like 10 minutes later i get 9 likes back on my pics & a message from shawty like “yo you mad cute”, I’m like swerd iight, hit her wit the “good looks you a lil tenderoni yourself ma, wats good, how you”. Off rip she was on some whole notha freak shit, im like damn werd, nah shorty might be on some fake profile shit. So far she legit, so we exchange digits.
Shorty sent me a pic to my boost mobile, even tho the quality of her pic was iight i knew it was some crazy wild shit, so im like “yo damn ma where you from???”

bitch said “Glendale, Wisconsin”

My nigga, i was so vexed like why the fuck all the thick freak joints that’s willin to get crazy wit the jaw game gotta live on the other side of the earth! I aint eem tryna reply back, you kno u done fucked up. I’m sittin behind my phone & computer screen like …..fuck this shit

Your Password Must Contain the Following…

Bruh.. I Just want to create an account wit no hassle
it seems wit Michelle Obama & Joe Bidden bein victims of a string of recent high-profile personal security breaches online wit their personally records bein displayed to the public (shit niggas couldn’t find some ms.Obama nudes tho, they aint’t shit) & shit the internet. but that is besides the point, I jus felt this was a good lead up to what must be surfaced & stopped!
So let me feel ya in wit how one of my nights home usually go bout smh. So Im on my laptop, doin my own thing, MINDIN MY OWN BUSINESS, exploring sites, enjoyin my 100 hours of free AOL 4.0 wit no disturbance. I come across this new porn website that happens to arouse my interest, after numerous half hours search “ebony doggstyle” “404 girls” “jerkerz world” anything that looks like it was recorded on a boost mobile i830 etc etc (take notes if the HD Brazzer or AssParade searches just aint doin it for ya). I come to a conclusion ‘I jus might be a regular, let me go & create an account’.
So i proceed to click the “Sign Up” button, of course I’m hittin these niggas wit the fake names & usernames like SteveShims or sumn, you kno.. short & simple cause a nigga got shit to view, now this is wen we come to “create a password” smh i felt my choice was quite suitable but im hit wit the RED highlight like Your Password Must Contain the Following…
my nigga..
word to.. i read that shit say:
1. A capital letter.
2. A number.
3. One of the following symbols: !@#$%^*()<>?&.
4. Your favorite fruit.
5. a 300 word essay on your opinion of why you think tomatoes are fruit
6. a haiku
7. your favorite stephen King book
8. Your favorite bag of UTZ chips.
9. a lowercase letter

i was highly upset, at this point im like damn, do these muthafuckas even want me to create an account, shit. i couldnt grasp the idea on why woud they do such an horrific thing smh.

shit at this point my nigga I had nooo love for Skin Diamond, Tyra Banxxx & various other project wenches, who scorned boyfriends toss their homemade amuatur shit on these site. They done forced me to click through all 30 second premium flicks, a nigga had to make sure the 30 secs weren’t completely up & start it right from the top. smh the struggle.