So growin up, we was all young and thugging (well fronting in my case, as you will later see) and we (“we” meaning my crew of a bunch of dusty headed, brown bill spending youts..and a puerto rican) would often set out dares to eachother when we got bored, to challenge eachothers “manhood”.
Some dares included, hopping on the back of trucks (which i almost fell from), MTA buses (which i did fall from), skating and holding onto the back of cabs (Hey.. skitchin left a very impressionable mark on a brudda) and a host of other ill shit that has prolly left me too concussed to remember.
So on this faithful day, i was dared to steal a rack of bootlegs from the cd man on 14th st…. (to clarify for my hometown readers, not Ocky on avenue B, he was always good people and he had the white tees on deck. Couldnt fuck that up. It was the insanely cross-eyed dude who set up shop in front of moes on 1st ave)
So we was walkin round being bored as fuck wit no money in the pockets but wanted to check out some new music. (Internet downloading hadnt popped yet..can you believe that!?)
We come across homie and his table of cds, which in that time, if you never walked by one,was always a glorious sight. Simple in design yet majestic and accompanied by the slightly hummed music of eunichs. Discovering this new table and location for bootleg cds was like how Christopher Columbus stumbled across America and there was only ONE solution….
THATSSSSS RAAAAAIGHT (Young Jeezy voice, or by DMX interpretation, YOUNG CHEEZY!?)
So it was only right, that somebody would call out a dare to run up on homie and take a gang of cds and it was only right, my fool ass accept the challenge. (Oh what it is to be young and seek acceptance from peers…till the arrest record starts to build)
“Mann im bout to rack up!” (My voice. Which most likely sounded like a young Al B Sure at the time)
Yeaaa i spoke a good game but really was nervous as fuck! I mean, i took lil shit before like them addictive ass pecan swirls 6 for a dolla from the corner store and shit like that but now i was taking a huge step forward.(Atleast in my mind)
On the outside im like:
But really on the inside im like:
What if i get caught!?
What if im arrested!?
What if my MOMMA FIND OUT!?
Imma catch a beeet-in!!
So as i part ways from my friends, i stand across the street, plotting my moves, waiting for my open oppurtunity to grab and dash. I feel the moment beginning to engulf me, Im starting to sweat, palms sweaty, im catching tunnel vision like a muuufucka.
I START WALKING OVER TO THE STAND….
Bootlegger: Hey man
Me: Hey maaAan (nervous tremor in my voice)
Do you got the new…
Mannnnn i tried to pick up a handle full of cds so damn fast bruh! My feet started moving before my hands could fully grasp most of them as i went full speedy gonzalez on this mufucka! Cds all on the floor, i jus hear shit crashing. I didnt even take time to look at what i took! I run a good 3-4 blocks before i een look at my hand….
Ok, so now its the moment of truth.. the 4-5 cds i thought i could grab turned out to be one, but hey i got away wit it im still boss mode!!
Till…A …MUTHA…FUCKA…LOOKS.. AT… THE ..MUTHAFUCKIN..CD
A FUCKIN 3LW CD!!!
3 LITTLE WOMEN B….
IM TALKIN BOUT THE SPANISH CHICK WHO LIVED DOWN THE BLOCK, BITCH WIT THE LISP AND THE DARKSKIN CHICK WIT THE INFERIORITY COMPLEX !!!
I cant make this shit up b…I CANT!
YOO I WAS SOOO SICK DUN!
ALL THAT PLANNING!
Im so damn embarressed about the cd choice, i finally catch back up wit my homies and lie saying i didnt get to grab anything.
Son.. i rather TOOK A L and have em laugh at me for not gettin a cd then tellin em it was 3LW…
So i guess that was instant karma for my ass and lesson to stop stealing.
So kids if you come away with anything from this story, DONT STEAL! Especially a funky ass 2 for 5 bootleg cd. But if you must, LOOK AT WHAT THE FUCK YA TAKING!
Tho the album wasnt ALL that bad….