Category Archives: Uncategorized

N.O.M.E 6 Review

Bruh…. this post is going to be long like this event.
Ok so let me say this, A nigga been rockin wit Smack since the first dvd dropped and introduced battle rap to the world. Back when Mook was running shit, T rex was biting niggas heads off and loaded Lux was Ruthless.(lux beat mook at the knock off jersey spot, idc, idc! GAWD HEAD!)

Ive always been a fan of the sport but as the popularity began to explode from the streets to huge sponsored events leading to some rappers getting paid upwards of 40k for 3 rounds it was just too much going on and i fell off on all the who’s who of the battle rap world.

With that being said, i did still watch battles from time to time and while i heard this would be potentially the biggest event of the year i just had to finally check one out and it was….an experience.

So first off, having never gon to a smack/url event the ticket time said 1pm so i thought 11:30 would be a good time to show up and be around the first people in line cuz niggas will always nig and show up late..

Maannnnn when i tell you that line was already around the damn block i was disgusted with myself as i took the walk of shame to the back..

Until…..

I heard a nigga call out my name! it was a old homie of mines and i went to dap him up and slid in with him around the middle of the line so i was gucci!!! im not sure if niggas felt a way but fuck it.

So now im in the midst of battle rap fans, some were battle rap historians with a roledex of knowledge of every damn battle to have ever taken place. it  was admirable to see how dedicated some really were to the battle rap culture and i realized… well i didnt know shit bout shit!

So as we waiting around for the doors to open up, cameras keep coming around asking battle of the year? Who the best? etc and my best answer was to just shut the fuck up and let the real watchers of the sport answer. Im not bout to make myself look like  a fool in front of these purist.

So its 1pm and SHOWTIME!

EXCEPT

I learned smack likes to be on real nigga time and for my white readers out there, it means LATE NIGGA…..REAL FUCKIN LATE.!!!

DUN..

So we walk in to irving plaza about 1:15pm or so after a crazy as search from ths nypd and immediately do two things. bathroom and drinks. in that order, as i was told to do so by battle event pros. So i come back, get a good spot up front cause crowd wasnt too thick and i start sippen waiting for the first battle….

So now its about 2pm Queenzflip and Jay blac are entertaining the crowd basically tryin to kill time until event starts. It was cool for the first oh, 30 minutes…..

2 and half fuckin hrs later and still no battle!

Bruh…my feet hurting already cuz i was rockin baggy timbs. (which flip tried to cut my ass about but i hit him back with a lil 1 2 cuz im not afraid of the roast!) crowd is getting a bit restless and bored and begin booing for the start. So now im having doubts about ever coming to another event..

So finally at 4 fuckin pm Smack comes out in a toddler size leather coat walking around the stage like he got a wooden peg leg, smiidddddiiiacking all over and the crowd gets hype and the first battle of the night begins,

  Ill Will vs Charlie Clips

Now, im a huge fan of charlie clips since mad cipha days rhyming alongside Jae Millz and Vado as members of  Most Hated. Having watched his battles in the past, while he could easily kill niggas he had recently become hit or miss due to hunger not being there. I thought to myself, Clips is def gon bring it for the Biggest event of the year….right?

ANNNNNNNND i was wrong….again smfh

Nigga was lackluster like a muuuuuufucka. freestyling and stumbling damn near each round. I was disgusted to be honest man, he clearly doesnt give a fuck no more now that he getting wildin out checks. Ill Will, i didnt know too much about other than him battling some nigga with a tongue ring but he KILLED  THAT NIGGA CLIPS. Nigga said, “why guess what room you in when i can blow the whole house up!?

MEAN

3-0 Ill Will

Iigh so after the first battle smack is rushing to the next joint which was :

Tsu Surf vs T-Top 

Surf coming off a string of chokes and Ls had something to prove as he was shaking the room his first round, claiming he was back and we all believed it. T-Top comes after and its lookin like a classic after the first round. Even 2nd round they both were sluggin and the crowd was rockin…then surfs 3rd happen and this nigga deadass chokes again smh. Wasnt a bad battle but surf ruined the classic potential.

2-1 Top

 Next up: Arsonal vs Brizz Rawsteen 

Battle for the most ignorant battle rapper of the world b…

I knew of Ars but i had never seen brizz battle before but the crowd was tellin me i was in for a good one and they wasnt lying. first Ars gon start the round sayin he was retiring tryin to get petty applause from the crowd cuz he must knew he was going to spit struggle bars smh.

Brizz was basically Ars 2.0 as he was..

This..nigga..brizz said,” ill fuck ya mother in the ass and make HER lick it off!”

Nigga 30ed Ars as he fades off into the sunset and into url retirement. Tho, he may not like the way he was sent out and probably will return sometime after he re- evaluates his greens, beans, tomatoe, potato bars.( No…like..he really tried that shit and after an awkward silence his soul burned)

Ok  so after that we had ..

THE BATTLE OF THE FUCKIN NIGHT: CHESS VS AVE 

NIGGA…

Whats to be said about this battle that hasnt been said already?  It was a surprise battle due to the uncertainty of daylyt showing up for his battle against DNA. Which, he didnt smh..

But fuck all that, thank you for not showing up cuz…

This….shit…right here nigga!? 

Wow…. just…wow.

 This was Micky Ward vs Arturo Gatti. Just a slugfest! 

I think i passed out twice from bar overload and cried during Aves Skip to my lou bar. Chess makes you want to go into the nearest projects and piss in the elevator and watch as an unsuspecting tenant steps in that shit. STRAIGHT FILTH.

 We was watching history and single handedly made up for all the previous bullshit of the night. Deciding a winner would be doing this battle an injustice. Chess won, Ave won and more importantly, the fans won. This battle made me forget i tore my acl and mcl in both legs during the event and cant wait to see it on cam. 

“MAIN EVENT” RUM NITTY VS TAY ROC

Shit was wack b, niggas fighting, the energy was gone, my kneecaps were about to buckle, crowd was restless, niggas fought some more, somebody won but nobody gives a shit.

So for my first url event, im not sure if ill go to another one but it was def a memorable time and glad i got to experience it. Im still icing my knees and lower back on some Patrick Ewing shit tryin to recover.
Smiiiddddddaack!

IM GOING BALD BREH!

 

So first and foremost, i know, i know a brother been away for few joints now and i may have had ya wondering like what the hell happen to shaqface? Some of ya prolly like who or wtf is a shaqface? I dropped the ball and for that, My bad bruh and bruhzettes.

But shit happens nigga…..Bruh pen game was on larry holmes status for a while. And now the hair is following suit…
Cuh ..

The young adonis is catching an unforgiveable L bruh. The George jeff is starting to invade my cerebellum and i cant do nothing right now but

  

Im hurt…..nigga swag levels droppin with every hair follicle lost

Smh the lucious waves starting to look like the big homie Moses came thru parting the sea and shit. Got me contemplating transplating pubes to the top of the dome ,smelling like ass and defeat smh. But shit if lebron cant find the cure,there aint no hope for a broke nigga so it is what it is…

You know, im a fairly confident gangsta (Even with the white man tellin me i cant move up out the mailroom. So ima move this mail while i fuck his wife)  so at first when somebody mentioned i was balding, At the time im playin it to the left like ahhhh fuck outta here  it aint nothin but alil kevin durant going on, ill be iigh its just my wave pattern na mean

(Sidenote but White dude lookin at durant like “yea..you dunk that ball nigger” or am i trippen?)

Till i found out out it was worse then i thought..

First off fuck whoever invented portable mirrors tho forreal cuz yall helped facilitate the ether…
So i decided to check it out.  Standing at my bathroom mirror, turnt around and i begin viewing my male pattern baldness through a lil ass mirror Like…

HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN WALKIN ROUND WITH THE GINOBLI!!? 

So immediately, I jump online to backpage  hair loss sites tryin to find a cure. lookin at reviews for all these miracle hair loss sprays and cremes refusing to accept the inevitable. 

For some, the bald head works but naa bruh i aint got the head for it. A nigga out here lookin like J.B smoove aint woah bruh. Smh shit gon kill my clubbin on college nights. I cant be the balding nigga in the club trying to trap a young 20 year old scuzzy no mo.

 So after a few weeks and a stack dropped on hoes  products that didnt work i decided, fuck it. im not gon shave but im not gon worry bout it either. I cant allow the foolishness that was sprayed on Carlos Boozer’s scape to invade my cipher.

 I’ve come to the realization that the gawd is indeed mortal afterall and im rocking to the wheels fall off. Its coo doe cus ill still  slap the kufi off ya niggas who got jokes b.

Salute to the OGs like coolio who aint afraid to say its not over yet. 

We all we got and hopefully more post to come.

Queens, NY… Home Of The Fine Dime Breezies

Ok ok ok ok alright,

so I came to the conclusion Queens, home of the New York Mets, Jerry Seinfeld, Spiderman, JFK Airport & now after my 5 years of analyzing & test research is now home of The finest woman to ever grace the grounds & waters of New York City smh

https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRhdUYdIKtVMxUQ7RXZel2_qO6Itr1GFKZbFR2zT5jacZbfNnejBEEX-iEL

If My calculations are correct, yes Queens is where all the fine bitches rest their heads

I’m honestly starting to think it wasn’t a coincidence Queens was named Queens, All them damn fine ass tendories are probably being manufactured in a factory somewhere in Astoria on some Lil Kim “How Many Licks’ Video.

shit, I even remember from the myspace days search Queens NY for some shorties to add & when i tell you They Had The Biddies, THEY HAD THE BIDDIES. Each shorty had a glow to em, a aura oozed out of them. I mean if you was ever in Queens & saw some iight or wack joint she must’ve crawl out the sewer illegally migrated her self from Brooklyn or something.

Queens here I come

Joints lookin like they were hand crafted by the finest of fine Godiva Chocolates, all shades all flavors (skin probably taste like the shit as well).

all them bitches out there lookin all beautiful and shit. I remember my 1st trip in the land of tendronies smh, I went to my homegirls crib agettin ready to go take some test at LaGuardia (mind you she some lil fine mixed mexican girl, did i mention Queens behave the flavors out there?). We walked out to jump on the train I swear there was not one male soul, no fathers no brothers no grandpas, no perverted old men, NOT ONE Y chromosome. I felt like i have enter a secret colonist of woman.

so i want ya to really think about it. All the fine bitches in NYC are from where??

Is it still acceptable to have a song as my ringtone?

image

Im getting old bruh…And with age comes life-altering decisions.

So along with finally paying for sex, I’ve been contemplating these past couple of days, if it were time I say goodbye to my musical ringtones.

Im a grown ass man and getting arkwardly stared at when im in close proximity to white folk and “DAMN I LUH DEM STRIPPAS!” blast loud out my speaker is not whoa…
image

When my first instinct became to arkwardly let the song play till it hits voicemail while looking around as if its not my phone (nevermind that the song is radiating from my hip), I knew changes needed to be made…
image

No longer are we in the generation of boost mobile bleep phones with the absurdly loud ringtones that you recorded off the radio inbetween funk flex bringing the song back 15 fuckin times!
(Nothing would get me more vexed then trying to capture a song with bombs going off and flex breathing all hard on the mic smh)

When you got the right air/fuel mixture of the song and slight background noise( mama didnt interrupt you this time), Ya ass hit that stop button and couldnt wait to hit up class blasting your shit!( ..or subway station)
image

But today…I’d be feeling like a fuck nigga if I continued that behavior. Im trying to better my living situation dunny. Move on up in the world, George Jeff strut on these hoes na mean!?
These ringtones holding a brother back, Spending hours deciding the right song for my friends (Who rarely call me). Thinking about past events and why this song would fit em and boy! Will they get a kick out of the song i choose for them!…..
image

So I’ve been there, done that…

and I think I’ve come to the decision to jus let my phone stay on vibrate.

OMG! These front row seats look so amazing through my 3 inch cellphone screen!

image

Its official B,
We fuckin live in the Matrix bruhs and bruhzettes.

You know, It REALLLLY grinds my gears that we no longer ENJOY life. Build with me for a bit cuz shit bout to get real…..

Camera phones have become a cancer to society as a whole and with each technological advance we make, it dumbs us down that much more.

I mean nothing signifies this more to me than pulling out a damn camera phone at a small venue concert (Such as BB Kings in New York City) to record a bunch of shakey hand 2:23 minute videos to upload it to youtube for 26 views.

Bruh…Ever heard of living in the moment? You know…actually wave your hands in the air, and wave em like you just dont care? Well how the fuck you gon do that while holding a damn IPAD???

Lets use logic for a minute…
Say you go to a well known artist’s concert or show.
You paid a pretty penny for the ticket, fresh outfit, bottle to sip with your boys before you head out etc. You should be looking to get your money worth.

Off bat( What does that even mean by the way?..Shrugs) YOU KNOW cameras will be in abundance and more than likely will have house video shooters on deck (Exclusive video shot for the event with great quality). If there is anything suprisingly shocking that occurs it will be on worldstar, so really what the fuck you holding that camera up the whole damn show for?

Dun..ima tell you now, nobody is really that intrested in watching your drake hand shot video while the crowd drowns out everything remotely good. Put your camera away and ENJOY the show!! All this exciting shit going on around you and you wanna view it through alil ass box, essentially just making the environment you’re in, one kick-ass surround sound system.

But thats the thing, we dont know how to enjoy shit anymore.

There use to be a time when you can jus reminisce over shit, fabricate certain instances that enhance that emotion you had at that moment. Argue with your boy about how drunk he got and how funny it was, just enjoying time as it was….TIME. (Not a video sent across the globe of you shit faced and completely embarrassing yourself)

People…
We’re living off borrowed time, and losing what it is to enjoy that time is basically a life wasted. We rely so heavily on the visual aid that our attention spans have gon to shit. We settle for flavors of the month while we develop forms of A.D.H.D and dont even know it!!

I once questioned how can you develop an imagination when everything you once wondered about is now on reality Telivision? Didnt get an anwer and essentially we are helping fuel our own demise with our obsession with youtubing “moments”.

I have heard from numerous artist that have said they hate how shows need to be altered, songs re-arranged, changing guest etc just because youtube broken that veil of secrecy and surprise.

Its been most prevalent in the comedic world as you can literally destroy a comics whole set (Which may have took a year to polish) with a few youtube clips exposing the jokes. How can you laugh hard at something you’ve already seen coming?

PUT THE FUCKING CAMERAS AWAY! ENJOY THE SHOW!!

I know im ranting and raving a bit much and this is just scratching the surface. Putting thoughts to my keyboard as I usually do and probably wont all get read but honestly its something that I needed to get off my chest.

It’s like we’re all in the race to have the exclusive but lose who we are in the process. I call it the “Disc Jockey” syndrome. Maybe ill dig into that later…im out!
image

Cassidy…..BRUH!?

image

Bruh…..let me start off by saying this:

  You single-handedly brought me outta blog retirement to comment on this atrocity we have here. I havent felt this inspired to add my two cents to something since lawd knows when( well actually my last post) and i planned on keepin it that way until this joe dirt shit rock,plea for attention, donkey of the day potential song you dropped on my interwebs the other day.

For those who may not have heard( thank baby Jesus), Cassidy decided to jump on the already heavily remixed youtube smash hit track Gangnam style and get this……..titled it CONDOM STYLE!!!!!!!!!! the worst part of all ..is you know he was DEAD ASS SERIOUS!!
image

…………
Now Cass, brotherman….Did YOU NOT REALIZE that the thousand of remixed songs were Parodies? You know…ha ha..he he…lets make a funny? U know ..nothing to take seriously?
U actually tried to spit some shit on this track and failed…miserably. its laughable how bad this is. Nigga if the original was famous Sals pizzeria, your product was that rubbery ass tostinos pizza pockets and they were so microwaved that the paper plate ripped the bottoms off the crust and when u bit into it, tore apart the roof of your mouth, Capt’n Crunch style (hmm, maybe ill make my own remix..).
SMH how you Manage to get below Hot pocket quality music?

To help you out,im not even gon post the song up ( well actually im too lazy to figure out how to do it again)
I had your back when the potential rap battle between you and ( All i do is scream til they accept me) Meek Millz seemed to be on the horizon. I just knew you were the superior rhyme slinger and would murder Meek in a head up ( I even gave you a pass when you said that horrible Micheal Jordan braids line on 2k11) . I even allowed the fact that your old as fuck and still cant let go of the jersey era and fitted hats cuz u was a real nigga.
But brovolone….this just aint working out for you, it maybe time to fade away like your hairline. Speaking of hairlines, brozay you couldnt get your shit lined up straight if Swizz would give you another hit record and let you sign back under that full surface label. Speaking of labels, i even gave you a pass for thinking signing to a label ran by Carmelo Anthony was a great career move. Smh dude, you ever met any artist who was signed under an athlete even have a soundcloud page? Moving along..

First off, fire all the niggas that were around you that allowed you to think this was a good idea and smack the yosamitty sam out of the nigga who told you to give a psa in the beginning as if we was gonna give you a pass for the wack sauce you was bout to drop.

Smash a pot of ocra and tomatoes on the head of the nigga who was prolly mollied out his mind and sweating when he did the hook.

When Meek was callin you all types of lame and no swag i sat back in my kevin hart voice like noooooo, i refused to believe it. But theres just no defending this, in fact what the fuck was you thinking? Like really…what was the motive? You was part of last real years of hiphop and you do this shit? You tryin to perform infront of junior high students for health awareness week b? Nigga they aint got time for that.
image

image

 

Awkwardly running into somebody on the train, never ends well.

image

AINT THAT BOUT A BITCH!!? Now nothing against the actual people i run into when im riding the iron horse but thats like the worse time to be all buddy buddy with somebody you ran into while yall facebook friends and cant even remember the last convo yall had.

In my mind im all like…

But outside im all like…

image

Heyy….friend….

Inside im all like:
Mannnn WTF …LEEEMME ME ALONNNEE! IM TRYIN TO ROCK OUT WITH MY COBY 15 SONG MP3 PLAYER IN PEACE!! DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKIN LONG IT TOOK ME TO DECIDE WHAT SONGS TO KEEP OR DELETE JUST SO I COULD PUT COOLIO’S GANGSTAS PARADISE ON!!!???

BUT!!

Outside im like:
Mannn its been a minute, hows everything!!? Wow! what a coincidence, we decided to both share our futile existence on the same shitty F train at 6:30 in the morning! Goin to the last stop in Queens, Great!……

Then theres that silence….you start lookin around for an exit strategy, but you quickly realize you really will have to endure a forced convo….ohh noo, social interaction, cant i just keep this to a 140-character limit?? SMFHH

We both know we dont wanna be bothered with eachother but our poker faces are on Lady Gaga level so to avoid lookin like the dick that brings it up, we just keep playing the game…..and the misery just continues on …

You ask all these mundane questions you really dont give two fucks the answer to. In return they give you the typical same shit different day answers or the dreaded broke nigga variations such as: Same shit different toilet, Trying to keep my head above water. Them dirty feet, struggle qoutes.

Outside im like:
Yoo its been a minute where you been tho, we def gotta link n chill.

Inside im really like:
Look, lets just make this as smooth as possible. We wont be chilling, you know it and i know it.(As i slowly count the number of stops i have left)

What makes these interactions so problematic is the constant updating we do to our facebook pages. Maybe if i actually DIDNT know what the fuck you been doing every hour on the hour , our random bump into eachother would be more of a joyous occasion. You know…actually gain something new from the interaction. But instead all im getting are your facebook status’es you’ve made in the last 72 hours in an extented form. Oh how delightful…( let me jus keep this one ear bud in)

Now i gotta act all surprised and intrested that you gotta mixtape coming out thats gonna do Krayshawn numbers when it drops and yadda fuckin yadda. Or that your going to school for communications.( good luck with that)
Cant be life……

Then we subtlely acknowledge and agree that this encounter is a false flag operation Bush would be proud of:
Yeaa , good seeing you and hit me up on facebook! ( no mention of swappin numbers, you know…like if you REALLY Wanted to link up) Both exiting the train, hoping to never see eachother in a one on one setting again.

HONORABLE MENTION ON ARKWARD TRAIN ENCOUNTERS:
The moment you run into a girl from your past and its the same day you woke up like fuck it, threw on the struggle neck white t and no haircut to match. Out here lookin like cuddy from the wire. Meanwhile she all decked out fresh to death and YOU JUST KNOW her ass passing judgement like look at this bum nigga, blew ya chance to stunt on the bitch and all lat. Now ya ego all bruised and shit just imagining the bullshit she thinking in her head. Now you like, I BETTER FUCKIN SEE THIS BITCH AGAIN…let me get a do over lol.